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Title: ‘But This Closet is So Nice...’ (I know the title sucks... I can’t help it.)
Author: XenaBird
Rating: 14A at the very most... sex is implied and I think there’s one swear word :) You’ve been warned.
Warnings: This story contains two women in a relationship with does not include talking about nail polish, and does include hickies. Proceed with caution.
Disclaimer: Ren Pics, cruelly enough, owns them all... all of them are owned by them. I own none. I don’t think I can say this too many times. Me. No. Own. I’m making no profit out of this, so please don’t sue. Suing will get you an overdrawn bank account and an evil computer which deletes files. Heh.
Pairing: Sarge/Hel
Notes: My beta reader’s computer kicked the bucket, so it’s not been beta-read. Right now I’m so tired I don’t care about mistakes :)
Cleopatra sat on a table in the lab and waited patiently while Mauser worked.
“I don’t see why I need a full body checkup,” she complained.
Mauser got out a needle. “Because you could have infections, which you might pass on to the rest of team,” he said calmly before sticking the needle into Cleo’s arm and drawing out some blood.
“OW!” Cleopatra yelped. “Geeze! That hurt!”
Mauser ignored her protests and inserted the ill gotten blood into a small machine, which beeped.
Cleo looked at it curiously. “What’s that? And what does it want with my blood?”
“Checking your blood for infections,” Mauser answered, going to the opposite side of the lab to look for some other instrument of torture.
Cleopatra snorted. “You think I’m going to buy that? I saw The Phantom Menace thirty times, and that was just when it was in theaters! You’re getting a midichlorian count, aren’t you?”
Mauser was looking a Cleo in confusion when the machine beeped loudly. Mauser walked over to it and scanned it’s read-out. “Everything seems to be fine,” he murmured. “Although, you have a slight cold about to come on in, say, a week. I’ll get you a vaccine for it.
Cleopatra, seeing that Mauser had, in fact, been telling the truth, blushed profusely.
Just then, Sarge and Hel tumbled into the lab and tried to make themselves presentable.
With a smirk, Cleo asked “Where were you two? And what were you up to?”
The two of them scoured their minds for an alibi.
“Searching the shaft for mutants,” Sarge offered.
“Going over some old data-pads,” Hel said at the same time.
Cleopatra’s smirk grew into a wide smile. “Then why are your cheeks flushed? And your hair all messy. And why aren’t Sarge’s clothes on properly?”
Sarge and Hel glances at each other, minds racing.
“Mutants!” Sarge blurted out at last.
"Data pads!” Hel said desperately.
Cleo raised her eyebrow in a smart-assed manner and said nothing.
“Well.... um...” Hel trailed off nervously.
“Yeah,” Cleopatra said. “Um.” She smiled. “Why don’t you guys just admit it?”
Hel looked around wildly, brain racing to find an appropriate response while Sarge took stealthy steps towards the door.
Cleo was having a hard time keeping her composure. “You guys just did the nasty. Took a roll in the hay. Bumped uglies. Whatever you want to wall it. Give it up and admit it!.”
Hel and Sarge exchanged glances of disgust.
“Bumped uglies?”
“You people from the 21st century sure were coarse,” Sarge added before spitting on the floor.
Cleopatra refrained from commenting.
Hel, feeling there was no easy way out of the mess, paused and acted like she was getting a transmission from Voice.
“Yes? Voice? Uhuh? And why don’t you ever give us reasons before sending us on missions?” She made a disgusted face. “She’s not answering. Well girls, looks like we’ve got another mission!”
Cleopatra stood up with a resigned face. ‘Ah, well, there’s always next time,’ she thought to herself while saying aloud “I’ve just got to go change.”
As soon as she left the room, Sarge and Hel let out all the air they’d been holding. Sarge smiled at Hel. “You should be an actress. It was really good, except when you’re mad at voice you usually cock your head to the right.”
“Thanks,” Hel said. “I’ll remember that.”
Sarge took a step closer to Hel. “Go thing you did that. I was real close to just making a break for it.”
Hel smiled and closed the gap between the two of them. Smiling widely, she leaned in for a kiss.
Cleo jumped into the room. “HA!”
As soon as they knew they’d been spotted, Sarge and Hel moved apart and turned, backs towards each other.
“I, uh, I thought I saw a mark on Sarge’s neck,” Hel said hurriedly. “I had to inspect it.”
Cleopatra stalked towards them, looking like the cat who’d just swallowed the canary. “A mark?” she said sweetly. “Don’t you mean a- HICKEY?”
Now, while many terms had died out by 2525, the hickey was still alive and popular. Hel and Sarge blushed.
“Uh, no.”
Sarge covered her neck with her hand. “Well, shouldn’t we get going?”
Hel jumped at the escape. “YES! We should have left by now.”
They exited the lab, Cleo following with a smirk on her face.
* * *
They arrived at one of the many bars in the underground rather breathless. Once inside, Cleopatra looked at the noisy surroundings and said “What now?”
Hel hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Uh, I guess we wait. Let’s grab some mach.”
Cleo complied with a knowing smile.
* * *
Three hours later Hel and Sarge still hadn’t come up with anyone for them to beat up and their insides couldn’t get anymore cleaned out, so they admitted defeat and returned to the lab.
When they got back, Cleopatra approached Mauser.
“Mauser,” she said cautiously. “I don’t suppose you have any... surveillance equipment?”
Mauser looked at Cleo blankly.
“You know, cameras? Things that take a picture when you push a button?”
A light dawned on Mauser’s face. “Actually, I do have something I just finished. It’s really very amazing.”
Cleopatra took the object Mauser handed her excitedly and felt her face fall as she examined the camera. It was really nothing more then an instant developing Panasonic camera. She smiled optimistically, thinking ‘well, at least I know how to use it.’ Before Mauser could reclaim his contraption, Cleo scampered away with it.
* * *
Hel and Sarge, thinking Cleopatra was sleeping, were holding a clandestine meeting in Sarge’s bedroom. Between kisses their conversation sounded something like this:
“Boy, that was close.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Do you think [muffled]”
“No, not-”
SNAP! Cleopatra smiled from her hiding place behind Sarge’s pile of favorite weapons. She waited patiently while the picture developed, smile widening as the picture revealed Sarge and Hel in a very compromising position.
Waving it in the air, Cleo pranced around the room chanting ‘I knew it, I knew it!’ while the other two sat in stunned silence.
“WAIT ‘TILL I SHOW EVERYONE THIS!” Cleopatra crowed.
Sarge gathered her wits about her and stalked up to Cleo. “I don’t think you wanna do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” she snatched the picture from Cleopatra’s hands. “Without proof, no-one will believe you.” She ripped the picture up, pushed Cleo out the door, locked it and turned back to Hel, smiling.
Cleopatra, on the other side of the door, pouted. “Damn,” she said. “Back to square one.”
The End
